Yes, it’s the Spam Roundup, a semi-regular feature of Geek Drivel that mocks the pathetic attempts of spammers and scammers to part us from our hard-earned money.
At the top of our list today is the Short Attention Spam award (no, that’s not a typo 🙂 ), which goes to this message:
Subject: Re: New pharmacy shop http://t
Judging by the message, they must have some really good drugs. Too bad there’s no way to tell where to get it.
The next one gets a special “Apollo 13” category all to itself:
From: houston bridge Subject: sehsaws [URL removed] Hello houston 4″ to 7″ within 6 months, wow this was worth it Veriton pemberton
“Houston, we have a problem.” 🙂
Next up is the Trying Too Hard award…
Subject: UNFINISHED TRANSEFR OF YOUR BANK DRAFT OF ($200,000.00USD) To: [random e-mail address] Dear Friend, Due to your effort, sincerity, courage and trust worthiness you showed at the course of the Uk Online Lotto Winning cheque shipment to your location, I want to compensate you and show my gratitude to you with the sum of $200,000.00.USD (Two Hundred Thousand United States Dollars)I have authorized the finance house where I deposited the money to issue you an international certified bank draft cashable at any bank in your country. My dear winner,I will like you to contact the CEO in charge of the finance house for the collection of this international certified bank draft. The name of the Person with your Cheque. […]
I’ve never heard of the “Uk Online Lotto Winning cheque shipment,” so how could I have shown anything other than ignorance and apathy toward it? Who exactly uses two hundred thousand dollars to show their appreciation to a total stranger who they have never heard of or had contact with before? Why is he sending it to this strange address that bears no relationship to the one that I received it on? If it’s a UK thing, why is he offering US dollars? And if this is compensation and gratitude, why is he calling me a “dear winner”? Sorry buddy, no sale.
Today’s Engrish award goes to this one:
Subject: RE:_>Merle-Falbo Pat Dedicate to your lover We promise it now: Without curative effect , will return the fund! The male protection organization of the world recommends to you : [Nonsense URL 1 removed] health update,trouble free this gave me a boost of confidence [Nonsense URL 2 removed] look great, feel great update: exciting new breakthrough [Nonsense URL 3 removed] cross me out po box above in site
My name isn’t Pat, and with English like that, you get nothing from me but derisive laughter.
The Explosion In a Punctuation Factory medal is awarded to this one:
Subject: )!(!!.[* :[-.+ Sy m*b)oool F D E:G Last 0.04 Ta.rg et 0.12
Was anyone ever really stupid enough to fall for these?
Dishonorable mentions this week:
[URL removed] Hello osman I have been dating a man who I think is wonderful. We have so much in common, and everything is great. The problem is that when we have intercourse, I can’t feel his penis inside of me. Alfreed Pedrick
Oh, there’s so much I could do with this… first, Alfreed, are you sure that he’s a man? Do you have some kind of spinal injury, perhaps? Maybe it’s your definition of intercourse. Whatever the case may be, I’d suggest talking to a doctor. And my name isn’t osman either.
Subject: zeerder Potence. Man power. Girls. Viagra. [URL removed]
Wow, with a line-up like that, who could say no? 😉
Subject: Here is it Good Day, old chap! Super game. Monika Levinsky fucks Bill Gates with big black dildo… Play this game in your attachment, 100% satisfaction! Best Regards.
Oh yes, such a super game, I’m sure. 100% satisfaction for the author of this Trojan, who would presumably get my system as a member of his botnet if I did. No sale, though I expect the message found quite a few gullible teenage boys.
Subject: ralkraav [URL removed] Night oakcircle Have multiple orgasms – Learn the sex secrets of the PC muscle and have sex for hours ejaculating many times. Aakash Kleyman
Sorry, but… “PC muscle”? Is that Personal Computer? Politically Correct? Parsnip Colon? 🙂
Subject: Repair your thing.
Thanks, but it’s not broken.